I'm Rufus. The Girl.

Let’s put a little picture in your head: Beautiful, sunny day. Walking in Central Park, the wind is just enough to make the weather utterly perfect. You’re walking with a significant other/friend/family member/pet, with nowhere to be, no obligations for the entire day. Someone walking past you notes how happy you and your significant other/friend/family member/pet look, and it just makes you that much happier!

You come home from a fantastic evening- maybe you went and saw a movie, maybe you ate dinner at your favorite restaurant. The world is right, everything is great.

KAPOW!!

Once you get inside, you check your Facebook/email/whatever, and you get a message. And this message contains the one thing you just can’t deal with. At least not on your own. It gives you a panick attack, you’re breathing is short, and passing out seems like the most viable option.

WHAT IS UP WITH THESE CURVEBALLS?! Perfection is impossible, at least for us humans, and the moment we think we’ve hit that high, BAM, we’re back down a peg (or five).

It’s slightly humbling, but more than anything, annoying. Because you made an attempt to fixate on the good, so why is it that this bad thing has now happened? Why is it now your problem?

I feel this way sometimes. And I get really freaked out and start worrying about every possibly scenario that could ever possibly happen in that situation.

Taking a few deep breaths doesn’t do it for me. I’m not a “take one day at a time” kind of person.

But I do realize that I’m not the only that feels this way, and I think maybe it’s OK to bring it up to my people that care about me? Sometimes this just lets out a little of the anxiety/worry/frustration.

Maybe, what the world needs now, is love panick attack hotlines? Do they have one of those? I vote that we should.

These are my fears.

Yes, they are real in a “Wow-Hannah-way-to-be-lame” sense.

Mostly this post is up because I have 45 minutes until work is done. Also, I keep thinking that I want to take advantage of all my free time here by writing wonderful things.

This is not one of those wonderful things.

Fish- I’m not really sure why they creep me out. Maybe because I had a fish when I was in fourth grade that jumped from its bowl on to my pillow. Maybe because I had a fish that grew bubbles on itself. Maybe it’s because at that doctor’s office in Madison somewhere, they had this one fish on the verge of death, floating to the top only to realize that there was still a little life inside of him.

It’s not like I’ll never go to a marine park or take my chances in the deep blue, but it does mean that I am never having a fish bowl in my bedroom. Ever. Again.

Other People Growing Up- This one is big, because I am totally fine with myself growing up and aging. But people like my brother and sister- all of a sudden they’re thinking of life after school (?!?!), driving, having jobs- all of the things they never thought about three years ago. It’s fascinating to see them grow up, but knowing they’ll never be “little” anymore- where did the time go?

And no to mention friends- getting married, having a career, wanting kids (having kids!)- what happened to lunch hour at Subway during school break? Why aren’t you still worried what that one guy thinks of you?

Cutting My Hair Short- Maybe someday. Today is not that day.

These are my fears. So please, don’t ever get me a beta fish or a fat goldfish who may potentially grow bubbles on its scales.

I might scream and run away.

And if you tell me you don’t care what makes me happy, I should think you’re a poopy face.

1. Music

I have an extremely un-updated iPod. The newest song on it is probably Kings of Leon’s “Use Somebody”. Which we all know is ANCIENT by now. But I listen to my iPod almost daily- on the train, at the gym, at home. Music is good for the soul, whether I’m singing it out loud or dancing like a crazy person to it. When you hear something like James Brown “I Feel Good”, how can you not feel good?!

2. Soda

I know that’s horrible, and I have three people at the top of my head that always shake their head as I consume of it. Something about brain cancer and blah blah blah… But it’s like those Coca Cola commercials, and that little kid is sitting on top of some hill/mountain and just smiling, relaxed. It’s so. Yummy.

3. Television

A lot of people think I’m silly because I love TV shows. Most people prefer movies, just two hours of their favorite character. But I love how the characters can change or grow with you! You’ve got The Office, Community, Chuck, 30 Rock, Modern Family, Raising Hope- the list goes on and on! Just love it.

4. Football

Let’s face it- when Sunday is here, and football season is upon us, you can expect me to be rooting a little too loudly. And if my team wins:

HOLLERRRRR!!!!!

5. Magazines

If you’ve met me or been to my apartment, you will notice magazines from every genre. Because I love reading them. They make me happy!

6. Comedy

Isn’t this obvious?

7. Memoirs

Love reading about people’s life stories. Whether it’s funny or serious, I find each person’s experience enthralling and unique.

8. Piano

I can’t wait until I have a piano to play again. So soothing, and time seems to fly by when I play it.

9. Day Dreaming

And sometimes the dream comes true! Like last week, I was day dreaming about eating some chocolate. SCORE.

10. Motivation

Motivation for something that’s truly meaningful to me makes me so incredibly happy! I can’t stop smiling, especially when I’ve achieved certain goals. It’s addicting!

I love my quiet time. Being alone. By myself. Going to Starbucks with my computer, plugging in the earphones and watching shows on Hulu. Going to the gym, sticking in the earphones- an entire hour to yourself. Walking… everywhere. With earphones. (So I like plugging in earphones! Deal with it.)

But I suppose I also like people. Sometimes I even like to talk to them. Sometimes, I talk too much and then they say, “Hannah! Stop talking! I haven’t spoken in like 30 minutes! This story started about me! Hannah! Hannah! Hannah!”. 

But the quality of a good conversation is the reason we have friends, the reasons we have family. It’s how we vent about our feelings, hopes, dreams, and expectations to the people around us. They give us advice, tell their side of the story, offer words of comfort or reassurance.

And I completely value the people in my life whom I can do this with. Good conversation. Is there anything better?

Some friends and I talk about specific things. Specifically boys. Men. Man. Males. Some friends and I talk about work, some about family, some about day to day life. Some friends and I only talk maybe once a month, but when we talk, we haven’t skipped a beat. We just talk.

Because that’s what friends do.

Talking with family is just as important. And it’s hard. Because life always gets in the way. And then you realize you haven’t talked to your brother or sister in almost two weeks. And they’re growing up. And it makes you sad to think that maybe, just maybe, something important happened to them in the two weeks you didn’t call. And talk.

Talking with people we care about, people who want the best for you and vice versa, is something I think most of us take for granted. We forget that there are people who care about you enough to listen to you vent. There are people who care about you enough who will spend two hours talking about meaningless things. (Specifically men.)

And I forget a lot about calling people to just catch up. Because sometimes I just want to be alone, doing nothing except maybe singing stupid loud in my apartment.

So I’m trying to make an effort. To call YOU (except if I don’t have your phone number. Or even if I do, and you know, I don’t know you all that well, and it would be incredibly awkward for you to just get a call from me out of the blue. But, I suppose if you read this, we’d have something to start our conversation off?).

And for those times we get to spend just talking with each other, whether over the phone, a cup off coffee, or at the park, thank you.

Now, you make an effort too. Not for me specifically (men, perhaps?). People you haven’t talked to in a while. Or maybe you do talk to them, but don’t just ever have a good conversation.

It’s worth it.

Things I love about winter:

1. My cheeks get rosy red when I’m outside. BECAUSE IT’S SO STINKING COLD.

2. I get to sing Christmas songs. You know you like it.

3. Hot chocolate and apple cider. But do not make my hot chocolate with water- what did I ever do to you?

4. I look forward to filling stockings for good girls and boys. I don’t know why I love this tradition so much. My own family only did it for a couple of years. But the idea that there’s a gift for me in a huge red sock (nail polish, keychains, CANDY?!) is just so thrilling.

5. I get to watch the Santa Claus movie with Tim Allen and the super hot elf and elf rescue team. I will wanted to marry one of those guys so bad.

6. Dreaming of vacation destinations. Mexico. Fiji. Aruba. Antigua. Bahamas. WHAT? I’m still in cold weather? LAME.

7. Every one’s nicer. All that holiday spirit! I mean Christmas spirit. I mean Hanukkah spirit. Whatever.

Things I Hate About Winter:

1. Tourists. Three words. Macy’s Herald Square. One word. SoHo. Two words. Time’s Square. Add that all up and that’s a butt load of tourists being touristy. Ugh.

2. Mariah Carey’s Christmas Album. STOP PLAYING IT.

3. Did I mention cold weather? No? Not yet? Well I am now. Cold weather.

4. Sadly, I’ve realized I’m now an adult. And adult’s Christmas presents aren’t as fun. I want nail polish! And posters with cute boys!

5. It’s inevitable that I will slip and fall. At least 10 times. A week.

6. Egg nog. That junk is nasty.

7. Um, why is it dark? It’s 4:00 PM!

OK so this list may be a tad biased, especially to all you Mariah Carey fans. But it’s my opinion so don’t hate the player, hate the game!

Pretend I didn’t just say that last part.

fromwitotx-deactivated20110630 asked: What do you love most about New York? And who do you miss most?? Hmm? :)

O my, this is always a hard question! There’s lots of things I love about it, but if I had to choose one, I think it would be the people. I’ve gotten to make some pretty great friends here!

I definitely miss my family the most, Abs :). I love you guys and can’t wait to check out your new life in Cibolo. And of course I miss everyone back home! It’s hard to believe I’ve already been out here a year and a half. 

tumblrbot asked: WHERE WOULD YOU MOST LIKE TO VISIT ON YOUR PLANET?

The Maldives. Or anywhere that may possibly remind me of the Maldives.

Typer Shark. Look it up. Go to Yahoo! games, under Word games, and find it. Play it. It. Is. So. ADDICTING.

Well, to me it is!

I’m not really sure how long ago I started playing it. But I do know that it’s been long enough for me to advance my typing skills to the likes of 100 plus words per minute, with a general 96% accuracy.

I literally “air-type” when talking to people. That’s right- “air-type”. When I’m speaking to someone, or they’re speaking to me, watch my hands. My fingers will be typing mid-air. And it’s not on purpose. And it’s lame, I know.

But it’s a talent! No, it will not win me an award. It will not help me win a game. It will not cure cancer. It won’t even help me clean my apartment. I mean, COME ON! What kind of talent is this?

Apparently, it’s this useless talent that landed me a job. Why? Well, because it’s a correspondence job, and “corresponding” requires a lot of emailing back and forth with clients (just in case you didn’t know what corresponding was. That’s right. I just made you feel like you’re in 5th grade.).

Here’s how it happened:

So I’m at this interview. You know, those things you go to in an attempt to get a job? Right. Of course you do. Am I rambling? Of course I am. Have you met me? Ok. Stopping. Now. And they have me do a typing test. The thought in my head? My time to shine, baby! It’s lame, I know.

Three minute typing test. GO. I was typing about astronauts- why wouldn’t I be? I mean, obviously fire alarm companies correspond with astronauts all the time! Hannah, stop rambling.

DONE. Now for results. They basically told me I did so well on my typing test that they wanted to frame it. Weird? Yes. Awesome? Also yes.

And I got the job. And I probably wouldn’t have gotten the job if it weren’t for my obsessive typing habits.

MORAL OF THE STORY: Since this is my first blog, I’m gonna tell you straight up, I’m probably gonna give you advice. It’s in my nature, and if Hannah Harper weren’t up for giving advice, what would the world come to?  Exactly. World War III. Probably not.

Don’t stop using your useless habits. Play those video games! Spend countless hours online! Yodel! Experiment in the kitchen! Learn how to french braid! Read those pointless novels! Try to catch food with your mouth that’s being thrown at you! Play Typer Shark!

Because it may be a useless talent right now. It might always be. But it’s YOUR useless talent. And maybe someday it’ll be worth more than just a fun thing for you to do.

Well, except for the catching food in your mouth thing. I see no upside.